


perfect

by newrulesbian



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Character Study, Drabble, Hurt, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27485515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newrulesbian/pseuds/newrulesbian
Summary: Yes he's "perfect" but he doesn't always want to be.
Kudos: 10





	perfect

Everything had to be perfect. Always.   
From his singing to his dancing to his face to his hair to his body. All of it had to be perfect at all times.   
That was the sad reality of being an idol- of being Choi Yeonjun.

If he was being honest with himself here, he didn’t always want this.   
Sometimes it all just made him want to scream.   
Everything was always too much.   
Too many noises, too many people, too much to do, and it never ended. 

Despite it, he grit his teeth and bore it. No one could ever know that Choi Yeonjun, the eldest of his team, the legendary Bighit trainee, the 4th gen it boy, sometimes wanted to quit it all with how overwhelming everything was all the time. No one could ever know about the gripping panic, anxiety, fear that held onto him at certain points in his day, refusing to let go and wringing him out like a towel. No one could ever know about the panic attacks, the skipped meals, the too-much exercise, the things he did to uphold his perfection and keep his head above the water. 

And it had always been this way too. It probably stemmed from always pushing himself to be top of the leaderboard in every single category for every single month for years, but he didn’t want to divulge on that too much. 

Instead, he took his feelings and ignored them. He was the eldest, he couldn’t be weak, the younger members needed someone to lean on, so he took this role as the oldest very seriously.

But sometimes he just wanted to act like the maknae. Yes, Yeonjun was often called the fake maknae for his cuteness and how he acted in general, but when it really counted he showed his age and right now he just wanted to be coddled by his members until everything else melted away. When he didn't have to be 4th gen it boy-Bighit Legendary Trainee Choi Yeonjun, he could just be normal Yeonjun with four of the most important people in his life.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen, as the five of them had a long and grueling dance practice ahead of them. 

Mentally at a breaking pointed, Yeonjun shoved his feelings aside and did what he did best- pretended it was all perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys it's me again!
> 
> I received a lot of positive feedback on my first work (mostly on twitter- follow me hehe @lesbijun) so I decided to publish this little drabble I wrote before sleep. 
> 
> Let me know if you have any feedback or ideas for future fics- I'd love to hear them!
> 
> The link to my CC can be found here: https://curiouscat.me/lesbijun
> 
> Have a great day/afternoon/evening!
> 
> -Cole


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